Navigating public spaces as a trans person

Maybe you came out a while back and you feel confident moving around your city, but the chances are you have had one or two moments where you had to navigate discomfort. If we find and keep on patronising the places that make us feel good, we can help build the kind of town or city we’d like to live in.

Here are a few tips to help make that happen.

*Note: there are still places in the world, even places where lots of people like to go on vacation, where being identified in public as a trans person is against the law. The political situation in the United States at the time of writing also makes it difficult to guarantee people’s safety in some cities and states. This is awful and we should resist this, but this guide is written by someone living in Europe, who has experience since coming out only of European cities, so apply this to where you live in a careful and thoughtful way.

Go to places with a friend when you can

Something that I noticed early-on as a MTF trans person was that there were situations in which prior to that, identifying as a man, I had taken it for granted I would be safe. As an example, I would walk home alone, not thinking twice about checking in front and behind me, confident in my ability to avoid trouble. What I realised in the early days of changing my presentation was that I had planted a target on my back for people who wanted to cause problems. I don’t necessarily think this was much different for me than for my cis women friends, but it was something which, with what I later called “male privilege”, I hadn’t really accounted for.

In the early weeks and months of your transition, the best advice would be that if you want to go out at night, or even mostly in the daytime, to do so with a friend. This probably feels frustrating, and there are times when you will want the freedom to go to places on your own. This is fine as long as you’re certain of what you’re doing and where you’re going; you need to be aware of your surroundings, and you need to follow well-lit pathways.

Find the queer-friendly spaces in your city

Queer spaces are essential to the wellbeing of LGBTQ+ people because they provide a place where there is wide acceptance, and where staff are trained to provide comfort and safety. There are usually also strict policies on how people should be addressed and treated on the premises, which many “mainstream” bars and cafes do not have.

However, it’s also a fact of life that queer spaces tend to be in more run-down parts of a city, where rents are cheaper and abandoned factory spaces are available and easy to convert. This means you might have to walk through rough areas to get to your safe space. To mitigate potential dangers, check your public transport routes carefully on Google Maps, working out where the nearest stop is.

I use public transport, but I still feel uncomfortable using it alone for long distances. When I am about to get on public transport, I usually look at the carriage or bus and see how full it is, and if there are free seats. If there aren’t, I’ll quite often wait for the next bus or train - meaning it’s vitally important to leave yourself plenty of time for your journey.

Keep a Google Maps folder of your favourite queer-friendly spaces. These don’t need to just be nightclubs - as an example, I have a favourite bookshop and coffee shop, where the staff mostly only know me post-transition. This avoids any awkward conversations, and means I can go in there with a clean slate. They treat me so well in there, and I know if I’ve had a long conversation with a friend and we need to do something to stretch our legs, there are thousands of books to browse. Cafes with an upstairs area are great, too - it means that if you spot someone you don’t want to “come out” to there and then, for whatever reason, you can suggest to your coffee buddy that both of you go upstairs and avoid an awkward encounter!

In case of crisis

Given that emergencies, sadly, do happen from time to time, it’s also advisable to have some sort of emergency alarm in your bag. Pepper spray is something a lot of people swear by as a last-resort measure for people facing serious danger, however do make sure to check the laws of your country regarding carrying chemicals like that, given that it is banned in some places.

If you wear heels or shoes you cannot safely walk quickly or run in if needed, it’s also strongly recommended to carry a handbag or shoulder bag big enough to hold a spare pair of shoes, which could be lightweight espadrilles or slip-on flats if you want to save space and weight.

Have fun and don’t hide yourself away

While gaming at home is a great place to explore new identities, and there can be a temptation to explore yourself within the relative safety and security of a computerised world, it’s also true that the real world needs your sparkling personality and your influence. That means sometimes that if we want to go out, but are afraid, we have to feel the fear and do it anyway.

There are safety precautions you should certainly take, but if you find three or four places in your home town or city that you feel safe and happy in, you’re already winning. There are people who will love you, whoever you are, you’ve just got to find them.